A superb listener is ready to be completely current and targeted whereas the opposite individual is speaking. “We could be current by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or give you a reply whereas the individual continues to be speaking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, not too long ago advised mbg.
To Tuazon’s level, you’ll be able to let you know’re not really listening to the opposite individual if, whereas they’re speaking, you’re additionally eager about what you need to say in response. In case you’re in your head analyzing their phrases as they’re nonetheless talking—or worse, making an attempt to interrupt them to insert your individual feedback—that’s an enormous signal that you simply’re not listening properly.
Why? As a result of your focus is definitely on getting your individual level throughout (or proving your level proper, or proving your accomplice’s level mistaken), reasonably than really understanding what’s being stated to you, and ensuring the speaker feels understood—the largest marks of a great listener.
To know in the event you really perceive your accomplice’s level, Tuazon suggests making an attempt repeating again what you heard proper after they completed talking. In case you can’t repeat what they stated precisely, you then weren’t really listening.
One other nice check for you: After a tense dialog or argument together with your accomplice (or whoever), see in the event you can precisely clarify their perspective to a different individual—importantly, with out your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why had been they upset? What did they really say in response to particular stuff you introduced up?
“Not being current in a dialog can appear like lacking a complete dialog,” she notes. In case you can’t actually give a play-by-play of their aspect of the dialog, that’s a transparent signal that you simply didn’t actually perceive or internalize what they stated—in different phrases, your listening abilities might in all probability use some work.
